Sex and Marriage

7 Apr 2021

Sex Matters in Marriage

How many times a week should a married couple have sex?

I would say that 1-3 times a week is a healthy and realistic figure. Having said this, it really is up to the couple to decide what works for them. The problem arises when one partner’s libido is significantly different to the other’s (five times versus once, or three times versus never).

Which other aspects are important in a marriage except sex?

Because humans are body, mind and spirit, it’s important that couples connect on all three levels. This means connecting physically by spending time in one another’s company, engaging in a range of activities, sporting and recreational. It means we need to understand one another psychologically by sharing information regarding our thoughts, feelings and desires in all areas of our lives, and negotiating on areas of difference and potential conflict. Finally, it means connecting on a spiritual level by exploring the very meaning of life, and what makes us tick. Having said this, our essential individuality still needs to be preserved, hence friends and family, career/vocation, interests and personal development should remain important personal priorities.

Is sex important in a marriage? Can a couple be happy without sex?

Sex is extremely important in marriage and is one of the great benefits of marriage. Being in a committed and monogamous relationship should encourage the development of a regular, fulfilling and life-transforming sex life. It is also a protective mechanism which is good for our health and the health of our relationship. It keeps us connected and helps us to cope with all the challenges of life. When practiced with the right partner and with the right attitude, sex is the ultimate de-stressor for men and women. Of course, couples can agree to be celibate for personal reasons, and provided this decision is mutual, they may be happy. However, sex is a significant value-added part of a marriage and it seems a great shame to not appreciate it.

How can a married couple keep their sex life interesting?

I think the challenge for married couples is to engage in the work of keeping their marriages alive and growing on all three levels – body, mind and spirit. The more connected we become, whilst preserving our unique individuality, the deeper the intensity and ultimate pleasure of love-making.

What can cause problems in a couple’s sex life?

There’s a saying that all problems end up in the bedroom. Whether it is unresolved issues from the distant past or present circumstances, these stressors generally do have a dramatic impact on a person’s ability to enjoy a healthy sex life. Because sex is such an intimate, giving and receiving experience in which love and trust are critical, unresolved issues from the past or present are often the death knell for fulfilling sexual intimacy. Communication is the key to resolving both the subconscious and conscious issues, and individuals and/or couples may benefit from therapy.

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